July 12, 2014: MACHINE REVOLT!
The MAINSTREAM MEDIA would have you believe that the bank robbers who recently assaulted the Baxter Building were defeated by the very citizens they attempted to take hostage, despite said citizens (through no fault of their own) being caught unarmed and unawares. Do not let this paper-thin cover-up blind you to the TRUTH!
We at the Signal have obtained FIRST-HAND evidence that, in fact, certain items of human manufacture rose up of their own volition and turned against these violent criminals. While the building's electric lines and security framework conspired to physically restrain the gangsters, the HVAC infrastructure also activated of its own accord, subjecting the assailants to mounting physiological stress that eventually drove them to turn on one another.
(Sidebar: Artist's rendition of the bank robbers being tied down and tripped up by tangled clumps of power cables and telephone cords, while sweat drips from their brows and pools on the tile floor.)
Is this an isolated incident, or does it represent merely the OPENING SALVO in a war of man versus machine? Do these machines share their creators' sense of morals and ethics, or indeed any such sense that we can hope to comprehend? And wherefore the bank's security staff, on which subject our competitors have also maintained an untenable silence? Stay tuned for further breaking developments as they occur.
November 17, 2014: FIRST CONTACT!
Throughout human history, mankind has asked the question: ARE WE ALONE? Are ancient "gods" actually distorted accounts of alien diplomats or, dare we suggest, infiltrators? We at the Signal have procured ACTUAL PHOTOGRAPHS of the former, mere miles outside the borders of our fair city, along with an EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW regarding their intentions.
(Sidebar: Three photographs of a pale humanoid form standing in the forest, its face obscured by a bright hazy glow, with a chartreuse sash draped across its chest.)
The diplomats were identified by a single syllable each; we speculate that these are titles of rank rather than proper names, and have dubbed their collective the "Ooshhu" until such time as an alternative is provided. The Ooshhu stated that they appreciated our friendship, as they seek allies and resources to support their struggle against the self-proclaimed Holy Fracists.
While the Ooshhu are capable of altering their appearance, the Fracists are reduced to stealing and inhabiting the bodies of others, such as that of the late Miss Samson (see "SATANIC SUICIDE CULT!", Signal 2014-11-03 page 4). Fortunately, the Ooshhu assured us that they have prevented the Fracists from establishing a permanent base of operations within county borders.
Should you witness a Fracist strike team first-hand, we urge you not to risk your own life and limb, but rather call the Signal hotline at (619) 555-1368. We will pass word along to the Ooshhu, and we thank you on their behalf.
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