Hamish/Introduction

You're always gonna have problems lifting a body in one piece. Apparently the best thing to do is cut up a corpse into six pieces and pile it all together. And when you got your six pieces, you gotta get rid of them, because it's no good leaving it in the deep freeze for your mum to discover, now is it? Then I hear the best thing to do is feed them to pigs. You got to starve the pigs for a few days, then the sight of a chopped-up body will look like curry to a pisshead. You gotta shave the heads of your victims, and pull the teeth out for the sake of the piggies' digestion. You could do this afterwards, of course, but you don't want to go sievin' through pig shit, now do you? They will go through bone like butter. You need at least sixteen pigs to finish the job in one sitting, so be wary of any man who keeps a pig farm. They will go through a body that weighs 200 pounds in about eight minutes. That means that a single pig can consume two pounds of uncooked flesh every minute. Hence the expression, "as greedy as a pig."

Brick-Top, Snatch

Character Description

Hamish is a young man somewhere in his early to mid 20’s, a few inches over six feet tall and willowy, given to a slim, slightly athletic physique with long limbs and torso. His auburn hair is just a little too long for ‘clean cut’ and usually kept in a state of trendy disarray. Eyes are a bright sky blue over high cheekbones and a straight nose lightly dusted with freckles. His skin is pale but not unnaturally so, and his light pink lips are easy with a charming smile. He takes care of his appearance and cares about how he looks day to day, though he is of fairly average attractiveness. Typically dressed nicely, Hamish prefers something casual and comfortable. Today it’s a v-neck teeshirt under a loose sweater left hanging open, as well as a comfortable looking pair of slightly baggy jeans in a nice brand. He doesn’t worry about a lot of accessories or jewelry, lacking any ear piercings or jewelry beyond a basic stylish watch and a plain belt.